he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
