This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
