The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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