Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we're making bets on your personal life
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
