she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
