I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
4 words: hood of his car
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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