Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
