was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
sarcasm needs its own font
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
