I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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