I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
