Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
