Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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