i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
