I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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