So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
