This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
What a dumb baby whore.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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