I just pynch a tree in the face
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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