I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
