Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
