Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
