She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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