The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
