She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I can't turn off my feet"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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