Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
