I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
