everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
