just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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