I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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