so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
