Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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