Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
