i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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