I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I checked into jail on foursquare
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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