Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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