My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she told me i tasted like america
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
