ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize