Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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