why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
