everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
