Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
