Someone shit on the floor
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
