don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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