dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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