i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
