we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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