somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
