Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
