can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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