What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
