ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
