I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
