Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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