Old men and throwing up are my life now.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Randomize
