i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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