but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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