A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Oh god it's open bar.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
