i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
