I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
