I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I understand Curling. That high.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
