What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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