I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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